


plausible deniability

by dustofwarfare



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Chat!fic, FFXV Kink Meme, M/M, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 04:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14036580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustofwarfare/pseuds/dustofwarfare
Summary: In which Prompto shares a link to the CrownsguardMyHeart RPS Fic Archive to the group chat.Ignis is offended on behalf of his ethics, Gladio his wardrobe, and Prompto just thinks the whole thing is funny. Noct wants links to send to Lady Lunafreya before Ignis gets the whole site shut down.





	plausible deniability

**Author's Note:**

> I'm about in FF VII and FF VIII fandom but this is my first FF XV fic. And it's a kink meme prompt fill for: 
> 
> All the boys are more or less publicly known. You can't tell me there isn't fanfiction about them somewhere. Give me them reading it, or finding it, and being amused or horrified. Feel free to add Prompto finding it funny until it includes him.
> 
> \+ them ribbing each other  
> \+ finding all the Tropes  
> \+ pointing out the inaccuracies  
> \+ giving each other hell in general.
> 
> ___  
> I hope this satisfies, anon! It's a quick little thing, but I had a lot of fun writing it :D 
> 
> (I tried to make Prompto horrified but...he had a hard time not, uh, really enjoying the idea of being included *coughs*)

Plausible Deniability

Promptomg: haha hey have you guys seen this??

[www.crownsguardmyheartrpsarchive.com](http://www.crownsguardmyheartrpsarchive.com)

I.Scientia: Prompto, need I remind you, again, the purpose of this chat is for official Crownsguard business?

Promptomg: nope

Promptomg: srsly just look at the link

Promptomg: according to this archive there’s a good chance we’re werewolves and I have a self-lubricating ass ^_^

I.Scientia: The context of those words in the sentence you’ve constructed means absolutely nothing to me. Nor do I wish them to. Ever.

Promptomg: just click the link and you’ll see what I mean.

I.Scientia: I have severely regretted my life choices each and every time I’ve done that when you’ve asked, Prompto. I still have nightmares about the clip from _Hoarders_.

Promptomg: haha the one with the kitchen amirite and the fridge no one had cleaned since the last Empire?

I.Scientia: that casserole dish and its contents haunt me far more than any daemon.

Promptomg: seriously Ig someone – many someones – are writing fictional stories about us on the internet.

I.Scientia: ah. You’re referring to the entity we call “the press”

Promptomg: ….would you just look? Because if this is the press then I’m suddenly way more interested in journalism

I.Scientia: what on _Eos_ is this?

Promptomg: so it’s RPS or Real Person Slash. Fictional stories about us and Noct. We’re like, getting laid _constantly_ , Ig. Especially me.

Promptomg: \prompto/

I.Scientia:  Honestly. Noctis as a werewolf? If that were true, I would spend nearly all my time grooming his likely unkempt fur and keeping it off the royal furniture, not…”attending to his rut”, whatever that means.

Promptomg: brb registering for an account and writing that

I.Scientia: the penalty for falsely representing your king is death, Crownsguardsman Argentum.

Promptomg: you just made that up we don’t have a death penalty

Promptomg: Clemens Lucis Caelum outlawed it he was the 87th king

I.Scientia: you just googled “does Insomnia have the death penalty” didn’t you

Promptomg: duh

Glad2Amicitia: wait what is this link

Promptomg: hang out your screen name is that a pun like “glad 2 meet ya”

Glad2Amicitia: Iris came up with it, yeah. Back to the question. This says I don’t wear underwear. Under leather pants. When I’m fighting. Set in a universe where chafing is not a thing, I guess.

Promptomg: lol that’s what he’s mad about

Promptomg: I have a self-lubricating ass, Gladio.

Glad2Amicitia: congratulations

I.Scientia: it is rather disturbing on a visceral level how many of these stories feature our future king involved in arranged marriages with either Prompto or Ardyn Izunia.

Glad2Amicitia: give me death lol

Promptomg: hey whatever a lot of these fics have Gladio banging us all into tomorrow with a monster dick

Glad2Amicitia: i give this site the crownsguard seal of approval!

I.Scientia: I have _never_ acted inappropriately in this fashion toward Noctis! And Gladio, as delightful as you look in your tank top and those trousers, I have not, and never shall, “beg to ride you like a chocobo.”

_Promptomg has updated his status to Away: brb begging to ride Gladio like a chocobo_

I.Scientia: execution doesn’t necessarily have to be legal to be enacted swiftly and with extreme prejudice, Prompto. Google King Vindice Lucis Caelum if you don’t believe me.

_Promptomg has returned to the group chat._

Promptomg: haha sorry I can’t help it this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

Glad2Amicitia: you think I look hot in my pants, eh, Specs?

I.Scientia: I’m not blind, Gladio.

Promptomg: omg in this one we all work in a coffee shop! And Ig runs it and it’s called BREWED AWAKENING, he totally named that after Noct lololollll

I.Scientia: you are never using my espresso machine, none of you. real or fictional

Promptomg: real or fictional us, or real or fictional espresso machine?

I.Scientia: Yes.

Glad2Amicitia: Ignis Scientia, Ebony’s Shield

Glad2Amicitia: hey in this one i’m having sexual relations with Cup Noodle. Noct gets to be a werewolf, Ig owns a successful business, Prom here gets fucked by literally everyone and I’m chafing from leather pants with no underwear and fucking an inanimate object full of noodles.

Promptomg: ain’t destiny a bitch?

_GuardianAngler has been added to this group chat_

GuardianAngler: hey guys

I.Scientia: Your Majesty, this is hardly proper. This is a Crownsguard related chat devoted to details of your safety and for which it may be best if you maintain plausible deniability.

GuardianAngler: so I have plausible deniability that Gladio doesn’t wear underwear and you don’t wear clothes under your apron? Also I already knew that about the espresso machine I looked at it that one time and I thought you were gonna brain me with the coffee grinder.

Glad2Amicitia: i’m not saying I don’t go commando in sweats at home, I’m saying no one in their right mind wears leather pants without boxer briefs this is just physics.

I.Scientia: I shall be reporting this website to the cybersecurity team at once.

Promptomg: noooo at least wait until this soulbond fic updates

GuardianAngler:  whats a soulbond

GuardianAngler:  wait only tell me if its interesting and/or hot

I.Scientia: A literary trope in which two characters are bound together as soulmates for eternity.

Promptomg: so like you and naps, Noct.

GuardianAngler:  here for it

GuardianAngler:  prompto in this one you have my baby

Promptomg: did I steal it or

GuardianAngler: no like you have it physically

I.Scientia: I shall make a note to have His Majesty update our sex ed curriculum at the earliest opportunity.

Glad2Amicitia: haha can you imagine Prompto and Noct’s kid

Glad2Amicitia: it’d have stupid hair and fall asleep in the middle of making a bad pun

I.Scientia: and die of scurvy since these two would attempt to feed it nothing but fries and energy drinks

GuardianAngler:  by that you mean “awesome” hair. We have good genes. Don’t hate.

Glad2Amcitia: not as good as what’s in my jeans, apparently.

I.Scientia: Gladio. Gracious.

Glad2Amicitia: ;)

Promptomg: I mean

Promptomg: you’re like six foot sex

Promptomg: six

Promptomg: I meant six foot six

_Promptomg has updated his status to Away: BRB DYING OF TYPO-RELATED MISERY_

GuardianAngler:  hahahahahaha

_Promptomg has returned to the group chat._

I.Scientia: I must confess I am confounded by the idea that so many people wish to see us involved in sexual relationships

Promptomg: really? Have you seen us? we’re like too pretty to be real, dude. I’d bang us.

GuardianAngler: according to this website you have

GuardianAngler: also I wouldn’t fuck Ravus if you paid me

Promptomg: I just saw one where he did! Pay you, I mean.

Promptomg: you were a high-class rent boy and he hired you for a weekend

GuardianAngler:  whatever he couldn’t afford me for an hour

I.Scientia: it is too much to ask that you both stop reading this, pretend you never saw it, and allow me to deal with this quietly and without a fuss?

Glad2Amicitia: you’ve met them, right?

Promptomg: hey there’s a lot with Lady Luna and Nyx Ulrich

I.Scientia: Prompto, perhaps you needn’t point that out considering she is Noct’s intended bride

GuardianAngler: oh no worries she probably wrote those lol              

Promptomg: haha Gladio in this one you’re fucking the Regalia

Glad2Amicitia: step up from fucking a Cup Noodle I guess

Promptomg: I like Gladio ‘cause he takes it in stride.

Promptomg: ….nothing? guys. I handed you that on a silver Lucian platter

I.Scientia: some of us do practice restraint, Prompto.

Promptomg: definitely you, according to these stories. you’re apparently really into edging Gladio

Glad2Amicitia: well they got something right at least

I.Scientia: Gladiolus.

Glad2Amicitia: you know, ‘cause you’re always offering to sharpen my sword

Promptomg: im dying

Glad2Amicitia: that’s what edging means, right?

Promptomg: nice try dude

GuardianAngler: Ig you know we all know you and Gladio are together right

GuardianAngler: like I walked in on you kissing when I was fifteen

GuardianAngler: and then again last week

Promptomg: yeah you guys aren’t exactly subtle

_I.Scientia has left the group chat._

GuardianAngler: Gladio he really – he doesn’t think we don’t know, does he?

Glad2Amicitia: guys, it’s Iggy. He knows you know, he just...pretends he doesn’t know you know.

Promptomg: you know?

GuardianAngler: but why

GuardianAngler: im happy for you two

GuardianAngler: even if seeing you making out at fifteen made me question a lot of things I didn’t think I need to question

Promptomg: :D :D :D thanks G I owe you one

Glad2Amicitia: no prob, Prom. And as we can tell from these stories, you’ll be happy to pay up, eh?

Promptomg: :P I’ll even dress up in a Styrofoam cup for you, big guy

GuardianAngler: so if Iggy left the chat then how long do we have before this website vanishes?

GuardianAngler: I’m not saying Luna might like these stories but uh

GuardianAngler: that’s actually what I’m saying

Glad2Amicitia: an hour or two, given how flustered he is about the prince referencing our sex life

GuardianAngler: I like how that bothers him but not stories where his bf fucks a cup noodle or my car

Promptomg: well Gladdy really likes Cup Noodle and it _is_ a badass car

Glad2Amicitia: And hey. I do like things that are tasty, hot, sleek and dangerous. ;) with an engine that’s easy to get going, yeah?

Promptomg: <3_<3 omggggggg

Glad2Amicitia: and you repeat that to Ig, Prompto, and no self-lubrication in the world will save your ass from me in training tomorrow. Night boys.

_Glad2Amicitia has left the group chat._

Promptomg: ….was that a threat to my life and limb or a summary for one of these stories…?

GuardianAngler: I guess we’ll have to wait for the update to find out

 

**Author's Note:**

> (I love all fanfic tropes and stories, this is all in good fun and no insult for any preferred anything intended ;) )
> 
> (I want every arranged marriage fic with everyone ever fyi)


End file.
